Have you ever walked along a dimly lit street or sat on the top deck of a night bus looking into curtainless windows ? Maybe a sitting room or candlelit bar. People laughing, having fun. Everything looks so perfect, inviting & seductive yet unattainable because you're sat on the number 73 returning home after a long slog at work.
Last week I was looking through some old books when I stumbled across my first Art College love... a battered Tim Marlow book on Egon Schiele, a maverick of his time thus resulting in spending several weeks in prison on an indecency charge because of the provocative eroticism of some of this portraits. I loved his twisted beauty, his audacious love of female sexuality. Painting without compromise, beyond fearing the consequences. He stirred something within me.. So much so that I gave a print of 'The Embrace' to my boyfriend at the time,"thinking of you' I wrote ....... As he opened his gift I mumbled ... 'don't let your mum see it'... instantaneously what I thought to be a cool, edgy gesture was made very uncool... we didn't see each other much after that.
I felt I would be judged by his mum, almost ashamed of my interest in this amazing piece of work and it's sexual connotations.
This memory made me reflect on how I've viewed bondage and sexual exploration for a large proportion of my life. Like on the upper deck of No 73 looking through windows at a world I didn't belong, at home I would watch programs like Sin City, a sitting room voyeur, watching people explore their sexual boundaries with excitement and envy. It was a world I wanted to explore yet somehow I'd attached a sense of guilt and shame.
Don't get me wrong, I've never been a shrinking violet in the BR, I owned a fluffy pair of pink handcuffs for god sake. But its only in the past five years that I've bought myself a latex catsuit and been to the appropriate clubs to wear it.
What I've come to realise is that the majority of people throughout their lives have deviant thoughts, it's perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. The way society has portrayed sex outside the missionary position as 'immoral' is the issue, not your feelings.
You don't have to be in any 'Scene' to enjoy a bit of tie and tease and there's no right or wrong time to embrace your inner deviant, as long as at some point you allow yourself to... and have fun with it.
Times are changing and the conversation opened, so now's the time to talk dirty.
Always a Pleasure
#Thejourneyofawoman - If you have any stories you wish to share of your journey as a women please get in touch.
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